Buy a tripod.
Lots of love, Andrew Tregoning
Tuesday, 5 May 2009
X Men Origins: Wolverine
Went to see this film last night. It was awesome. 107 minutes of comic book fun and entertainment. Highlights include hugh jackman running naked through a beautiful canadian landscape, startling an old couple that look like the american gothic couple's happier cousins. And a decapitated head cutting up a cooling tower like a peeling apple. That was kickass. Anyway, deadpool was sick, but he could have done with a lot more screen time in his sword-wielding, wise-cracking incarnation. Obviously it's wolverine's film (well more accurately, a hugh jackman torso vehicle), and it did manage to fit tonnes of other x men characters in. It was sort of packed full of intros to other characters, which does whet your appetite for more 'origins' films as it's a franchise which does have some life left in it. The x men world is massive and there are a couple of other characters that could sustain a whole film about them. On the negative side, some of the cgi was very dodgy, especially when xavier turns up at the end looking like an andie macdowell make-up advert. And that guy from black eyed peas.
Sunday, 26 April 2009
why steven seagal is better than sean penn
I watched Hard to Kill again yesterday, this time with my brother in law. It's so awesome, it's so freaking funny and I just had a great great time. I love Steven Seagal. I wrote most of my 12,000 word dissertation on him, I've seen his blues band play live in concert, I have ten of his films, I've read a book on him. He's in my top 3 favourite actors of all time (along with Will Ferrel and Arnold Schwarzenegger). I've got an A level in film studies, I've got a degree (from an actual university) in film studies. And I love, I Love his films. I want to write a blog to begin to patch up this gaping academic black hole.
I watch films to entertain me, I eat food to nourish me. Therefore if that food nourishes me, then it is Good. The food that only nourishes me a small amount, it is not good. If that food nourishes me a large amount, it is good! If a film entertains me a large amount, it is good, therefore Hard to Kill is better than Dances With Wolves, which was the Oscar winner for best picture that year.
My relationship with Seagal has been a journey, and like every relationship, I've had to work at it. The chronological curve is as such; 1. he's an unfunny joke from a dead era, 2. he's an funny joke from a dead era, 3. I love him and his films. Most people get stuck at either the first or second stage. I implore you, put the effort in, do work, because the results are beautiful and fulfilling!
If you only watch one film, (I agree with Vern on this one) watch On Deadly Ground. It is one of the best films ever. Why? One reason is because it has one of the highest laugh to scene ratio of any film I've seen. Another is that the penultimate scene is a constant and massive explosion for 15 straight minutes. Another is the incredible dream sequence in which Seagal beats lust and chooses wisdom. On that note, action heroes fulfill our unfulfillable desires. Jack Bauer brings violent cold blooded justice, Bond gets the girls, John Mclane is Cool etc. We can't torture people or get tortured (admit it, you'd love to see if they could 'crack' you), we can't get the girls, we aren't cool. I would Love to choose wisdom over lust like Seagal does in this dream sequence, truth is, I don't. Another reason is the speech that Seagal makes at the end. It's basically Al Gore's Inconvenient Truth in 10 minutes, only better and 12 years earlier. The film ends and then this speech is tagged on the end, it's like going to bed Christmas night only to be woken up 5 minutes later by your mum saying "wake up, wake up, it's your birthday!". Another reason is it was the only film that Seagal himself directed. Therefore it has the most 'look how awesome Seagal is' shots and dialogue of any Seagal film. To end, here is a sample of some of that dialogue:
(An old experienced mercenary they've brought in to kill Seagal) 'Stone': My guy in D.C. tells me that we are not dealing with a student here, we're dealing with the Professor. Any time the military has an operation that can't fail, they call this guy in to train the troops, OK? He's the kind of guy that would drink a gallon of gasoline so he could piss in your campfire! You could drop this guy off at the Arctic Circle wearing a pair of bikini underwear, without his toothbrush, and tomorrow afternoon he's going to show up at your pool side with a million dollar smile and fist full of pesos. This guy's a professional, you got me? If he reaches this rig, we're all gonna be nothing but a big goddamned hole right in the middle of Alaska. So let's go find him and kill him and get rid of the son of a bitch!
My Top 5 Seagal films
1. Hard to Kill
2. On Deadly Ground
3. Under Siege
4. Out For Justice
5. Nico (aka Above the Law)
you can get these for next to nothing on ebay or amazon.
Warning! Don't buy anything post Exit Wounds (2001), because it's bound to be awful.
I watch films to entertain me, I eat food to nourish me. Therefore if that food nourishes me, then it is Good. The food that only nourishes me a small amount, it is not good. If that food nourishes me a large amount, it is good! If a film entertains me a large amount, it is good, therefore Hard to Kill is better than Dances With Wolves, which was the Oscar winner for best picture that year.
My relationship with Seagal has been a journey, and like every relationship, I've had to work at it. The chronological curve is as such; 1. he's an unfunny joke from a dead era, 2. he's an funny joke from a dead era, 3. I love him and his films. Most people get stuck at either the first or second stage. I implore you, put the effort in, do work, because the results are beautiful and fulfilling!
If you only watch one film, (I agree with Vern on this one) watch On Deadly Ground. It is one of the best films ever. Why? One reason is because it has one of the highest laugh to scene ratio of any film I've seen. Another is that the penultimate scene is a constant and massive explosion for 15 straight minutes. Another is the incredible dream sequence in which Seagal beats lust and chooses wisdom. On that note, action heroes fulfill our unfulfillable desires. Jack Bauer brings violent cold blooded justice, Bond gets the girls, John Mclane is Cool etc. We can't torture people or get tortured (admit it, you'd love to see if they could 'crack' you), we can't get the girls, we aren't cool. I would Love to choose wisdom over lust like Seagal does in this dream sequence, truth is, I don't. Another reason is the speech that Seagal makes at the end. It's basically Al Gore's Inconvenient Truth in 10 minutes, only better and 12 years earlier. The film ends and then this speech is tagged on the end, it's like going to bed Christmas night only to be woken up 5 minutes later by your mum saying "wake up, wake up, it's your birthday!". Another reason is it was the only film that Seagal himself directed. Therefore it has the most 'look how awesome Seagal is' shots and dialogue of any Seagal film. To end, here is a sample of some of that dialogue:
(An old experienced mercenary they've brought in to kill Seagal) 'Stone': My guy in D.C. tells me that we are not dealing with a student here, we're dealing with the Professor. Any time the military has an operation that can't fail, they call this guy in to train the troops, OK? He's the kind of guy that would drink a gallon of gasoline so he could piss in your campfire! You could drop this guy off at the Arctic Circle wearing a pair of bikini underwear, without his toothbrush, and tomorrow afternoon he's going to show up at your pool side with a million dollar smile and fist full of pesos. This guy's a professional, you got me? If he reaches this rig, we're all gonna be nothing but a big goddamned hole right in the middle of Alaska. So let's go find him and kill him and get rid of the son of a bitch!
My Top 5 Seagal films
1. Hard to Kill
2. On Deadly Ground
3. Under Siege
4. Out For Justice
5. Nico (aka Above the Law)
you can get these for next to nothing on ebay or amazon.
Warning! Don't buy anything post Exit Wounds (2001), because it's bound to be awful.
Friday, 24 April 2009
my gospel
Here I am, 10 years late (or however long blogs have been around). And here is my version of the gospel. I've 'been a christian' for years, it was passed down through my family and i went along willingly to a church because i believed in God. Even though it sucked, and was very boring. For some reason I would rather go than do something interesting or fun. Perhaps out of laziness I didn't rebel against it and my parents. I could see it was flawed. The time came when I went off to uni and had to decide whether to carry religion on or do something for myself and change my whole ideology. As with most other things in my life I just kind of floated into carrying on this religion. More out of laziness than anything else. I went to hope city church in sheffield, made some actual christian friends, and got really involved. Now i spend most of my time there, doing a leadership course and helping out in the youth group, the media department and the worship band.
Anyway here I am, 24 years old and I want to get my ideology down.
I am cynical. Critical and negative by nature. I've always loved satire, dark comedy and sun 0))). I love Trey Parker and Bill Hicks, I love putting people down and taking the piss, laughing at people. But I believe in Jesus and Everything that comes with it. The bible, adam and eve, divine conception, the cross, the resurrection and Everything.
The world, popular culture would see this as a major problem. To use biblical language, being in the world And out of the world, a paradox. Living in the enlightenment, the age of science, and living my life according to a dead, old religion.
Mmm. In an attempt to answer that, I will explain Christianity the way i see it.
God made everything, we started to mess everything up, He made laws to keep us safe and happy, we screwed them up, he made more, we screwed them up. When we screwed up we had to give a sacrifice to God to make us pure again. Then God came 2000 years ago to Isreal in the form of a man to be the last sacrifice.
1 John 1 v 9 says:
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
What is sin? Sin is what is wrong with the world, ever wonder why you are bent towards doing wrong things? eg. if there was no consequences, you would steal. - limewire, torrents. The law of entropy? That's all sin, adam and eve, the fall.
In terms of heaven and hell when you die:
Romans 10 v 9 says:
That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.
Does that mean I have to go to church and read the bible and pray and be nice and not watch porn? No, but by what He's given me, I am compelled to do these things for Him. Because He first loved me. Sin only damages me. He only adds to me.
Amen.
Anyway here I am, 24 years old and I want to get my ideology down.
I am cynical. Critical and negative by nature. I've always loved satire, dark comedy and sun 0))). I love Trey Parker and Bill Hicks, I love putting people down and taking the piss, laughing at people. But I believe in Jesus and Everything that comes with it. The bible, adam and eve, divine conception, the cross, the resurrection and Everything.
The world, popular culture would see this as a major problem. To use biblical language, being in the world And out of the world, a paradox. Living in the enlightenment, the age of science, and living my life according to a dead, old religion.
Mmm. In an attempt to answer that, I will explain Christianity the way i see it.
God made everything, we started to mess everything up, He made laws to keep us safe and happy, we screwed them up, he made more, we screwed them up. When we screwed up we had to give a sacrifice to God to make us pure again. Then God came 2000 years ago to Isreal in the form of a man to be the last sacrifice.
1 John 1 v 9 says:
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
What is sin? Sin is what is wrong with the world, ever wonder why you are bent towards doing wrong things? eg. if there was no consequences, you would steal. - limewire, torrents. The law of entropy? That's all sin, adam and eve, the fall.
In terms of heaven and hell when you die:
Romans 10 v 9 says:
That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.
Does that mean I have to go to church and read the bible and pray and be nice and not watch porn? No, but by what He's given me, I am compelled to do these things for Him. Because He first loved me. Sin only damages me. He only adds to me.
Amen.
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